Hectic!

Life is hectic although this weekend has been quite nice. I am having the worst writers block right now. I find myself editing everything repeatedly. This pains me physically <dramatical O.o> It is the anxiety of holding onto tremendous anger and pain because you have no way to rid yourself of it. Staring at a blank screen is bad. I have to get it things out of my head and onto paper. Until I am able to write all that torments me, it festers and builds inside. There is no relief like getting past the blank screen or white page.

I find myself getting stressed about keeping my page up to date and make time to add more articles specific to the page. I just need more hours in the day. I am not ready for tomorrow being Monday! This week I hope to be able to spend more time on material just for SCR. I am always paranoid I am going to get boring. I don't want to lose attention because there is a message here that needs to be spread. This is why I need to revamp the page. More writing. More examples of strong, confident, and successful women. This is my baby, and I want it to rock. I just want other chicks to know, “hey I know what you're going through and we can do this together because we are all awesome on this crazy ass journey together!” God willing people will understand what I am trying to do instead of constantly pointing out the things I do wrong.

I have decided that I am going to get back on track this week with my cardio. I started back for a bit, and I did not see the results I was expecting. This just annoyed me to no end, and I dealt with it like I normally do by just avoiding it completely. I am scared of putting on any of the weight that I have lost. I want to just start at a cool 40 at least 3 times a week. I notice my back pain is way more intense when I do not stretch and work out my core. This makes simple things like Pilates and yoga pretty good for me because it strengthens my back without straining it further. I feel like I need to be dropping quicker and toning my body more because I am owner of this page. I need to lead by example not only for my children, but for the women who cheer me on daily. I am so motivated by the stories of the women who have lost over 100lbs, and they are still on their journeys. It is a matter of wanting it. I want it so bad. I am not going to be satisfied in other areas of my life unless I get control of my health which means dropping more weight. I know I will never be a tiny person unless I have gastric surgery, but I have no insurance. I do not have the type of money to spend on something like that with two small children. I could not consider it unless I had coverage. I hope to be making a larger income now that I have been freelancing longer. I am able to charge more, and I can submit more work with confidence because I am building my portfolio. I just want to be my own success story while becoming a better writer and earning a decent income to help my family. I think having goals is the only way to live. I have been in that place in life where I have zero goals. My goals were getting through the day. Hell I still have those fucking days, but they are few and far between now. I feel like because I have allowed myself to grow privately and spiritually I have found my path again. Now it is a matter of following it & not losing site of it again. I have to constantly remind myself not to empower those that want to hold me down by letting their venom bring me down. I will have the last laugh in the end because I know there is nothing I cannot achieve when I put my mind to it. I envision it, work to get closer to it daily, know the pain is part of the game, and have faith soon enough I will be able to say “remember back when we had to creatively hustle to fly?” Living the dream differently with more oomph. God willing people!

New Article for Examiner

Check out my new article for examiner.com regarding Jennifer Livingston.

http://www.examiner.com/article/jennifer-livingston-is-amazing?cid=db_articles

Oh my sexy curves!

I've been so busy with school, work, and family that I have not had enough time to just sit down and write unedited. For me this process is a form of therapy. I have the ability to unload all that is filling my head and creating anxiety by venting. Keeping all my worries inside of my head drains me emotionally. Must write it all down before it escapes me. 

Since I have started my page "Sexy Curves Required" on Facebook, I have had the opportunity to "meet" many different women and hear their stories about living life as a plus size girl in a skinny girl world. I have been able to tell my story in hopes of helping other women learn to accept their body as it is while on the road to healthier living. Admitting you are an unhealthy size is one step that is celebrated because a person is admitting they need to lead a healthier lifestyle. Once the person has reached their weight or size goal. It is celebrated with even more praise for having the strength to meet your goal. What about those of us that have lost weight, but we are still on our journey losing weight?

I have dropped 75 pounds in a year. This is a great deal of weight, but I still  have more to lose. I have no intention of dropping under a size 14 which is still a plus size. Most people do not understand why I would stop losing when I am still considered a plus size. I have no desire to be a tiny woman. I love full curves because they are womanly. It is not about what size society thinks I should be. It is about what size I want to be, and the happiness I find getting there. I feel ten times more confident now that I have taken a good deal of weight off of my small frame. People who don't know me would assume at first site that I am a woman who needs to lose weight. What they don't realize is that I am in the process of losing. Just because I have not reached my goal weight or size doesn't mean I have can't have self esteem until that number is exact perfection. I find celebrating the work that I have done so far to be incredibly fulfilling, and I want other women to feel the same way. 

Starting Sexy Curves Required has been an amazing experience. I receive emails daily from women who thank me for sharing my story publicly because they can identify with me. Reading the heartfelt thanks from a person who simply reads what I write is one of the best feelings in the whole world. I am grateful in so many ways. I feel like there is something bigger than me at play here, and I am bracing myself because I am down for this ride!!! I have a big voice. Knowing I am using it for good is indescribable. 

Jumping out of the chubby closet is empowering. I am fully aware that I need to lose more weight. I just refuse to wait dress fabulous until a "magic number" appears on a scale or clothing tag. I forced myself to channel my inner fashionista who had been lost for a very long time. I can feel happiness instead of dread when I go to buy clothes. I make more of an effort to show the best of myself for no one other than myself. If I am truly content and happy with myself, I can be content and happy in all areas of my life. I have always been someone who achieves goals just to prove that I can do it. The only area in my life that I have had the most trouble with is my weight. Surrounding myself with other women who face the same challenges inspires and motivates me to continue to work hard. I don't want my weight to define me. Having over 5000 people to cheer me on and support me as I support them is fucking awesome!

Besos!

Drea

What You Can Do Instead Of Loving Someone You Can’t Be With | Thought Catalog

What You Can Do Instead Of Loving Someone You Can’t Be With | Thought Catalog

Our Love

Remember the when our eyes first met? A wicked smile across your face as we shook hands and exchanged smiles. Your eyes have always seen straight through me. I still feel transparent with you. No games. Just blatant truth. The underlying sexual tension poured forward as our energy mixed on a cool Texas night. The moment our lips touched was perfection. The intensity was all consuming. Deep long full kisses. Body to body, but I still cannot seem to get close enough to your love. I hold onto you tightly... scared to let go. Unable to imagine my life without you The thought so unbearable I feel physical pain. Our love is by no means simple, but it is only ours. The years have passed. Our lives have changed, but our love has and always will be constant and unconditional. Still fully capable of getting lost in your eyes. Forever transparent. Forever ours. 

A.L. Rives

Father's Day

Father's Day

We go through different points in our lives when we are closer to one parent. I was definitely a “Daddy's Girl”, and I did not try to hide it either. My daddy would do anything in his power to make sure our family was/is taken care of and happy. With the stress of having 4 of the sexiest children alive (lol), I have no idea how he was never phased. In my eyes, my father grew up always getting the 'shitty end of the stick', but he never complained. He worked hard for everything he ever achieved in life because he sure the hell did not get one single thing handed to him. He is one of 8 children born in Mexico. He came to Texas as a teen to work and send money to his family back in Mexico. He learned how to speak, read, and write English on his own. When he was in his early 20's he met my mother Eloise, (God bless his poor innocent soul lmfao) who hooked him like a bass! Eventually they would create ME ME ME! I am to be known as the Eldest & Most Modest Carrillo! =D Three males followed me. From that moment on, he changed his entire life just for our family. I always knew we all had the safety my father provides. We are all adults now, and we respect both of our parents equally. We realize we were blessed with the privilege of the love of both parents.

As the only daughter, he was the first man in my life to love me unconditionally, and I made it (and still do make it) very hard to love me at times. I knew I wanted to marry a man that was as hard working as my father. Who would love my daughter the way I was always loved. I remember hitting 25 and thinking, “okay this is going to be me alone, and I can do this!” I had no idea in a few years I would meet the man who the world intended for me to meet. With a nudge from my brother, I jumped into the only relationship in my life that ever felt familiar... like home.    

Daniel Rives! He loved me before I knew what love really meant. He held me up as a friend in my darkest times. He gave me faith that the world did have truly good people in it. When we first met, I knew the very moment I looked into his eyes and shook his hand, this is someone I am supposed to meet. I did not know in which way he would add to my life. I just knew he would be there in some way. Now I realize it was my twisted soul caught in a haze, a delayed reaction of sorts. When my heart was healed from all the chaos I had put it through, I realized love was literally right in front of my face.

I have been blessed with a beautiful man who loves me. He blessed me with two children Ethan & Carys. I could not have asked for a better man. It was as if the universe and God took notes for me each time I prayed for someone to love because Dan has been the answer to all the love and happiness I have experienced over the last 11 years. 

Watching Dan with my children is beautiful. He is the exact type of man who my children deserve. Like my father, Dan will do anything to make sure our family is happy and healthy. He works so incredibly hard non-stop at times. I still pray giving thanks for all the blessings that I have been bestowed. A great father. A great husband & father. It makes my life feel less chaotic in a world that never stops working. My daughter and husband have the cutest relationship. I cannot even begin to verbalize the beauty that is their relationship. Whoever Carys chooses to marry will have a hell of a check list to pass. Ethan has big shoes to fill too! He will do so with pride as he does now. 

Happy Father's Day to my Daddy Roberto Carrillo and my husband Daniel Rives!!!

With Love,

Andrea

starring into the eyes of a stranger: Seriously wow this is a lot to take in

starring into the eyes of a stranger: Seriously wow this is a lot to take in: Lithium Carb 300 mg three times a day. My new diet. On may 16 I was given these pills in conjunction with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I...