Being a "grown up" can absolutely suck sometimes. My husband and I recently moved into our new home. It is really a beautiful home, and we have enjoyed it here. The thing that I am finding hard to deal with is the new responsibilities of a having a home. Not to mention this new thing called a budget! OMG the sacrifices have been brutal. I think I started to dwell on what I had to give up versus what I gained. The young spoiled child inside of my head was throwing a full on tantrum yesterday over waxing. I realized that I have not owned a pair of tweezers for over 10 years because I have always paid to get them done. It is these little things that I miss the most. The ability to go and get my eyebrows waxed. I never thought of it as a luxury. I just categorized it under "necessary monthly upkeep" which includes my hair, any new outfit I might need if something should come up, and shoes. How completely spoiled am I?
Gone are the days of buying designer handbags. Manicures, Pedicures, and waxing have become "DIY's". I went to my mother for sympathy, and she laughed at me because I am finally realizing I have turned into the type of woman I always said I would not be. Dear God! I am a "high maintenance bitch"!
Forgive the delayed reaction and enlightenment. I am not one to remember things, and anyone who truly knows me can vouch for that too! My wonderful husband is a believer of "happy wife, happy life". He knew what he was dealing with when he married me. I did not suddenly become this monster as an adult! Thanks Mom & Dad!
My mother loves that I am on this journey of realization. My daughter (that she always prayed that I would have) is my duplicate. Except she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, she is faster, better, stronger...she is Drea 2.O She will avenge my mother for all the bad I did as a child. I think I just felt a hair actually turn gray. I love my children. I find myself having to choose between my "upkeep" or entertainment for the kids. I always get my children what they need without doubt. I have just forgotten how to "DIY" with my "upkeep", and I want to be able to bitch about it like a child for a while!
Today I will go get my eyebrows waxed one last time until I can truly afford it again. I do not want to mess up the line, so I just want to be able to do upkeep and follow their line. I am not a complete idiot. I know how to do my own eyebrows. It has just been a long time, and I hate that whole over plucked thing allot of women have going on. I am going to enjoy myself to the fullest and appreciate the pain in a new way.
All of this superficial bullshit would normally not phase me quite as much, but it has been brought to my attention that I have stopped taking care of myself. Never by my beautiful husband because he knows too well. One of my aunts (my family does not know how to speak any way but bluntly) and some random woman having a bad day. One insult, I would brush off my shoulder, but two in one day? I went straight home to look in the mirror. My hair is a complete mess and in obvious need of a cut and color. My beastly eyebrows across my pale face, and to top it all off my workout wear. WOW.
I have really let myself go, and I do not want my daughter to pick up my habits.
My child is so beautiful, and she is at the age where she speaks without thought just brutal honesty. She was looking through our wedding photo album. She came across a picture of me in my wedding dress. She was so excited. Her face lit up with a huge smile, and she quickly shouts, "Mommy you were so beautiful! You look like a princess!" It pierced my heart, but I smiled and said "thank you baby" because I did not want her to think she had hurt my feelings. To have all these situations culminate yesterday was pure hell. I did my sulking all night. I have decided enough is enough. I am tired of feeling this way. I am an intelligent woman, and I realize the way that I have been living my life is not helpful in making me lead a healthy life. I have slowly dedicated myself to getting back to "normal". My normal is back in good health as I was prior to pregnancies. I am feeling better just by changing my diet just a little. I am feeling better not that I have added more activity in my life for exercise and hitting the elliptical. It is therapeutic. I find myself lost in deep meditation until I start to feel pain in my knees that can possibly be injury. I want to be able to jump on my elliptical for at least a couple of hours a day. It will take me a long time to get to an hour, but I am publicly challenging myself for motivation. The sexy bitch my husband fell in love with is inside of me waiting to come out, and a confident mother that my children need will come alive.
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