Carys & Me at Cowboy Stadium

We went to watch Texas Tech vs. Baylor. We are not fans of either team, but my sister-in-law is Tech Alumni. Cowboy Stadium is amazing!!

This is my husband Dan, my son Ethan, and my daughter Carys

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I hope that you are all having a wonderful day. My family and I are at granny and granddad's house near Fort Worth. The house smells so delicious from all the food cooking in the kitchen. I am taking time to write and check some emails while everything is cooking. I am so happy to be away for the long weekend, but traffic was insane last night! We were stuck in traffic for an hour bumper to bumper heading up to the Fort Worth area. Thankfully the kids slept, and it was not as hectic as it could have been. We got to granny's at midnight, and I went straight to bed! There is something about sleeping at granny's house that makes me so comfy. All I want to do is lay around under blankets! I get the best sleep in this house!

This is our first Thanksgiving without our Great Grandma "Mawmaw" here with us. It is different not having her here. Especially this Thanksgiving because we are celebrating my sister& brother-in-law on their first pregnancy. The baby is due in March. I think both of them are glowing. Their energy is beautiful. I know that Mawmaw is here in spirit, and she is just tickled at the thought of her granddaughter's pregnancy. There are just so many things to be thankful for this year.

I am thankful that I have an amazing husband who loves me. I have two beautiful children that are in good health and happy. We have a huge family of people always offering support and guidance. I have many blessings to be thankful for in my life. Although there are times when I want to lock myself in a room and cry, I have a great life with some of the most amazing people I have ever known. I hope that everyone else knows this love and is thankful as well. I am especially thankful for all of our men and women fighting for our safety and freedom across the world. Thank you for your service. Thank you for peace of mind. Come home soon!

Forever Thankful,
Drea

Carys G. Rives aka Carita is 7 today!!!

Carys G. Rives aka Carita is 7 today!!!

I was so very blessed 7 years ago today when I first saw my baby girl. My husband Dan and I were both scared when we found out we were having a girl, but I was prepared for the challenge...at least that is what I really thought at the time! Labor was my first sign that this kid was going to be tough. After two epidurals failed, the nurse looked at me between gut wrenching screams and said, "Andrea look at me! You are going to have to prepare to deliver her without pain assistance!! You can do this okay!?!" At that point, I think I went blank out of shock, and I looked at Dan crying saying, "Nooooo!! I cannot do this without pain meds!!!" I remember the sadistic doctor responsible for both epidural failures sticking his head in to apologize again. I did not even let him speak I just remember holding Dan's hand and saying, "if you think i'm paying for both of those epidural you've got me fucked up!" Yes even in labor, I protest hospital bills (LOL). As I got closer to push time, I was screaming louder, and I hear an alarm go off and nurses rush in the room. I knew something was completely wrong.

Carys's heartbeat was dropping every time I had a contraction. The nurses said that if it continued, I would need an emergency C-Section. It scared me, but I really did not want that surgery. After a few more minutes of, "no don't push! your doctor is almost here!" I started doing what I do! I get pissed off because of the pain, I am screaming like I am dying, and I start cursing. Yes, I was the mother that actually did scream, "get her out of meeeee!!!!! now!!!!!!" (LOL) As soon as my doctor walked in I said "Finally!" and I pushed that little girl out!!" The doctors face changed, and she said "hold your push! The cord is in a knot!" I think I turned white when I saw the tight knot. She held my baby up and passed her to the nurses. The doctor looked at me and said, "you just had a miracle. I have heard of a knot in the cord, but I have never delivered one sucessfully." My child should have died during birth, but she lived. She is my clone, and I fall more in love with her every single day.

I never really knew what my purpose was in life. I knew that I wanted to accomplish certain goals in life, but I was always unsure of myself and my decisions. When I had both children, I knew that I was meant to be "Mama". I might be winging it because I have no idea what the hell I am doing, but neither does anyone else really. My husband and I are just trying to raise good children with open hearts and minds.

Yesterday we celebrated Carys's 7th birthday with her class. I took cupcakes for the kids to eat. I walked in the room, and Carys was seated with a crown on her head. She handed out all the cupcakes, and a few kids had seconds until they were gone. After the party, we walked to get Ethan out of his class to go home. She walked in the door, and she runs up to Ethan to tell him it's time to leave. As I talked to his teacher, I noticed when he turned around and saw his sister. He smiled and gave her a big hug without being told to! I could have cried. Sibling rivalry is deep in this family. I have been trying to explain the importance of their relationship forever! They are finally at an age where they are understanding how important they are to each other. I told Ethan how beautiful it was that he hugged her. Carys then explains that he ran up and gave her a hug at lunch too. I lost control of my tears at that point. Knowing that he understands she was having a tough time in school this week, and she really needed his support. He put aside any name calling that he might get from his guys for hugging his sister, but he does not care what anyone says about him. "Their opinion doesn't matter Mom. I know I'm good inside" he said.

Somehow, in all the chaos that is our lives, he was actually listening when we told him "it's not about what other people think. It is how it makes you feel inside. If you think you can live with yourself and your choices, you can get at it son, and no one can stop you" He finally understands, and she is realizing her brother is her best friend.

Today is all about Carys! She is getting breakfast in bed (when she wakes up!) and gets the living room television all day. She is going to spend time with my parents while Ethan and I go shopping for her gifts this afternoon. He knows exactly what he wants to buy her. We are also letting him get a surprise because he stepped up and supported his sister so much this week. It is nice to walk in to their school and be told by the staff that I have the kindest and most well behaved children. It takes a second for me to realize they are talking about my midget monsters! O.o Thank God they are exactly like their Dad and keep their crazy at home...unlike their mom. Thank you God, Goddess, and universe for the many blessings you have given me despite my constant transgressions.

Love & Light,
Drea

In Response to "The Most Loathsome People" Blog

Dear Amy Alton and Admin,

I thought this blog was a joke when I first started reading it. When I realized it was not, I felt a great deal of disappoinment. How does someone even attempt to compare anyone in the LGBT community to terrorists? I am certain that Trina Vodraska and Janelle Sievers did not seek out this baker because she was a Christian Extremist. They have other things on their minds like trying to understand why they cannot marry legally and it is almost 2012.

Not all LGBT people care to argue or encounter hatred on a daily basis. Just as they do not choose to be LGBT because it is simply how they were born. I was taught that God makes no mistakes my entire life. I was told I could call on God 24/7, and he or she would carry me through my pain until I was strong enough to walk on my own. Christians, Jews, Muslims, etc. We all pray to the same God. We all use various names for our highest power, but it is still the same. It is how society has interpreted the bible, torah, quran, etc that Gods words are twisted. This causes an immense amount of ignornace, and people use God and religion as an excuse to justify their hatred. When you say, "Contempt is more suited for people like Trina Vodraska and Janelle Sievers.  Like jihadi terrorists, many gay rights activists, (the kind satirized in Bias Incident: The World’s Most Politically Incorrect Novel)  want to force people to agree with them by striking fear into the hearts of all that would voice dissent.  In other words, the goals Trina and Janelle pursue are the spitting image of the goals of jihadi terrorists." you are doing exactly what God wants no part of in any way shape or form. Can you not hear God pleading with so many of you to stop using his name as an excuse to continue spreading your propaganda?

People will do anything to sell a book. You seem to have given your soul right to the devil by letting the hatred inside of you and spreading that vile gibberish...probably from your mom's basement. I have many friends and family who are LGBT, and not one of them is afriad or lacks courage. If they did, they would never leave their homes in fear of people like you. It is our duty as human beings to evolve with the world. There should be no fear of evolution. Evolving as an individual is necessary in order to find peace within yourself and your higher power. If you consciously choose to stay planted in the "good old boy" mentality, you will never be able to know true love. Love is a gift. Unconditional love is a greater gift. Learning that both types of love cannot thrive without the other is the first step in understanding very person regardless of sexuality/race/religion deserves to be loved and love whoever God made for them. God places us each here for a certain reason. We also have partners in life that God places there because we are made for each other. Who are you to say God is wrong in allowing Trina and Janelle find unconditional love in each other? Sadly you are just another ignorant closed off person. I pray none of your children or family come to you expressing their sexuality is LGBT because your words cut deeply. You are the exact type of person who makes LGBT youth want to kill themselves. I pray for you.

I pray you find peace within yourself. Maybe this will help you be finished with the hatred you hold within you. I pray you open your eyes and embrace change instead of fear what you do not know. I would rather die than live my life stuck in the past. I embrace evolution as God does. I also pray you have no offspring to turn into tiny hate spewing bullies.

Ridiculous LGBT hatred

Warning! The following blog contains very hostile and pure hatred towards the LGBT community. I apologize for this person's ignorance! I am only posting it so that you understand my next entry.

With Love,
Drea

http://www.politicallyincorrectnovel.com/the-most-loathsome-people-in-the-world/#comment-70

Hectic! It's Just Monday Dude? O.o

So many things going through my mind. Finding the right time to get things down on paper has been a huge challenge. It seems like everytime I sit and try to write someone calls, screams mom, or it is time to run somewhere. This is extremely annoying to me! I am the type of person that has to at least make a note if not immediately write it all down, or I am going to completely forget what the hell I was doing. I have a little notebook I carry with me to constantly keep notes which is normally helpful, but I am so busy with the kids it seems pointless to try. Writing is my passion and my escape. I have to put all that is traveling through my mind out onto paper before it begins to consume me. Now that my children are getting older I am hoping they will begin to understand my creative process or at least pretend to respect it a little bit. Right now they just think I am playing a game or chatting. Explaining my creative process to them at 6 & 8 is just pointless right now. Eventually they will understand though, and I am anxiously awaiting that point in time.

I have been writing a great deal of poetry lately. I have always loved poetry. I cannot just throw something on paper that rhymes. It comes from something I have experienced or a feeling. I grab inspiration from life experiences, fantasy, and various muses. Sometimes I can do for months without a single word written. Other times, it pours out of me, and I cannot stop until it is all written out before me. When inspiration strikes, I have to roll with it before it becomes mute. I love the feeling of release I get from putting my feelings down on paper and into written form. It is like a drug for me. Knowing that other people appreciate what I write and identify with it is even more inspiring. I write for myself, but I have to admit I like knowing that my words have touched someone in a special way. It is great feedback. It gives me direction and guidance. Some people inspire me just with their comments about something that I have written. So all feedback and comments are welcome! Keep them coming because I love them, and I need them! All I have ever wanted to was to "live by my pen". Actually taking steps to fulfill that dream is the most amazing experience.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and emails.

xoxo
D

P!nk - Nobody Knows

Lost In Love (by G. Carrillo)

Sitting in his lap is my favorite place to be

Slow deep kisses

Chase me, crave me, pull me close 

Alone with you bare and vulnerable

Looking down into your eyes 

Time ceases to exist

It's just you and me and these four walls

Lost in a sea of covers

I submit to you naturally

He guides my body 

My legs wrapped around him

The warmth of his breath on my neck

Electrifying energy circulating freely

Sitting face to face

Staring into his blue eyes

Our bodies rock in sync 

Arching my back lost in complete ecstacy 

He moans as my body begins to shake

Locked eyes we reach higher harder faster

His arms surround me as I lay my head on his chest

Lost in this perfect moment

Unglued

In my head, I am at war with myself. Some days are better than others. Today has been so heavy, and I barely have energy left. I will blame it on the full moon. I am emotional right now. I have no idea why. I never take myself too serious. I just feel this immense loss inside my chest. I feel hallow. Attention starved, I crave affection.

Sitting alone. I feel as if my arms are restrained. The only emotion I show is the anger that builds each day. When I try to ground myself, it seems useless because nothing changes. In repair and discontent. All I want is peace.......in my head and heart. Alone with my thoughts, I wonder how much longer I can live like this. Something is missing inside of me. My weakness disgusts me, but it cannot be avoided. I embrace the dark. Holding on tight to feel the intimacy. Drowning in black. Searching for the light knowing there will be none. I am the creator of my own hell. My transgressions will eventually lead to the end of me.


DR

Hilarious: The Millionaire

Hilarious: The Millionaire

Best Weekend Ever

November 6, 2011

I have had the best weekend, and my spirit is renewed. I feel like my energy has been cleansed. The peacefulness I feel is priceless. Being married for nine years in this day and age is a huge deal. Spending time away together allowed us to reconnect. This is a very important part of our relationship. I think it is what keeps the love alive and exciting. We only had one night away from the kids, and we made the most of it! The cabin was insane. I was completely in love as soon as we drove up. It was secluded in a patch of oak trees. The positive energy from the cabin was amazing.

We got comfy and drank some champagne. I put a roast with potatoes and veggies in a slow cooker, and it cooked all day while we enjoyed the huge jacuzzi on our front porch. There was also a swing on the other end of the porch, and we sat outside on the porch most of the time we were there. It was so nice to be able to actually hold a real adult conversation without being interupted. We also got to watch movies too. We got back to town a couple of hours ago. I am still completely relaxed.

The kids were very excited to see us. My mom and dad survived the sleep over. We just ordered some Chinese and rented some movies. We are all about staying comfortable. Ordering out and watching movies is about as much as I care to do today. It is cloudy and rainy outside today which makes it perfect movie weather. Life is good people!

Life is good! I have been blessed with a strong and amazing man who loves me unconditionally. We have two beautiful and healthy children. After nine years of marriage, his love is still better than any drug.

xoxo
Drea

Poetry

Poetry

(Written Thursday, September 9, 2010)

I watch your eyes as they follow my body from head to toe
Leaning forward slowly to give you a better view
We have waited long enough for the inevitable
You are going to wear me well when I am draped across you

Blue eyes fixated on me...I want to be your dirty girl fantasy
I follow your lead as you grab my hand and lead me to your room
The taste of your kiss is sweet like sugar...
But your hands are confident and aggressive as you explore

Move me like you want me just keep your eyes coming back to mine
As clothing falls to the ground
I feel your skin on my skin and submit to you
Take me as I am and show me you can love me like I need

We connect with the strength of two magnets
Loss of hours and all surroundings
I am completely yours and you are all for me...
And like all other things in my life...I found love through all of my faithful sins.


xoxo
drea

WILLY WONKA by TRUBORNZ - Uploaded by: Yung_will - @yung_will_TB

WILLY WONKA by TRUBORNZ - Uploaded by: Yung_will - @yung_will_TB

Loving Life

I cannot believe it is already November! This year has really passed by quickly. I look forward to spending more time with my family over the holidays. The most challenging part of this time of year for me is going to be the food. I have lost almost 40lbs over the last few months. I have had my setbacks or as I like to call them "fat girl moments", and gaining a little bit of the weight back snapped me back into shape. I want to keep losing weight and keep the 40lbs I already lost off. It is just going to be complicated, and I am going to have to remain strong. I have lost another size in clothing. The clothes I just got back into are starting to fit me too big, and I am gaining confidence. With help from family and friends I am psotive I will continue to be successful although it will not be easy! Halloween candy has proven the point that I need more self control. Damn chocolate!

My husband and I celebrated 9 years of marriage this past Wednesday. We took the kids out for a nice dinner that night to celebrate. I got my customary red roses from my husband. We are also about to drop the kids off with my parents because we are going out to the country today for the night. We need grown up time. I found a cabin about 45 minutes away. It is just the right size for two people. It is tucked in the middle of a bunch of trees so complete solitude is going to be amazing. We have a hot tub on the porch to enjoy, and we are taking a sexy weekend snack basket I put together. We should not have to leave the place once we get there. I hope all goes well. I have not been this excited to get out of town alone in a long time. This time of year stays hectic for our family. Taking this slight break for just the two of us is exactly what we need to relax a bit before more holiday ridiculousness takes over our lives again. I will of course document the cabin with pictures. I will upload as soon as I get a chance. I am trying to keep any social networking or blogging until Tomorrow night. This is huge because I am ALWAYS texting or updating my Twitter and Facebook. I believe I need a rehab for social networking addictions. I will be fine! My husband stays so busy this time of year, I am excited I get all his attention for myself for once.

It is hard to believe we have been married for 9 years already. It still feels new. We are still learning things about each other. Accepting things we cannot change about each other is hard, but it is worth the compromise. We both do things that annoy each other, but we know without doubt we are strong enough together to overcome anything in life. He is my strength and my calm. When we got married, I was terrified. I remember turning to begin my walk down the isle to him, and all at once my knees began to shake like nothing I had ever experienced before. I told my dad, "I can't breathe". There were so many people standing and looking directly at me. My anxiety went from zero to 100 in 5 seconds. I was scared I would not make it up the isle because my knees were knocking so hard. My daddy was helping me walk, and a friend I passed told me to smile. I just looked forward until I could see Dan. The isle was so long, and I remember thinking "why did I want the dramatic long isle?" As soon as I saw my Dan and his beautiful blue eyes, my body felt peace. I smiled from ear to ear showing all my teeth like Donkey from Shrek. My knees stopped knocking, and I could not wait to take his hand. I was so scared he would not think I was beautiful. The crazy insecirities of a hormonal bride indeed! The ceremony itself was just like we wanted it which was short and sweet preacher man! We were at that alter because our parents wanted a church wedding. Our vowal renewal will be outside where God and Universe intended. All I cared about on that day was being with my new husband. It was a beautiful day. Of course we had mistakes throughout the day like no flowers for the bridesmaids, a late dj, and my brother introducing themselves to my new conservative inlaws by teaching them how to do a "Keg Stand" correctly. They also showed them how to drop it low with our Southern rap keeping it straight up gangsta! I danced with my brothers which is always fun. I also danced with my husband, and it was the only time we ever danced because he is not a dancer. Etta James's "At Last" was our song. Bringing two opposite types of families together was beautiful. Thank God his family embraced mine and me because I am that tattooed hippie chick my husband's parents always warned him about, and he loves me...flaws, claws, and all. He loves my eccentricity, and I love his wholesomeness. I have no doubt God created this man for me and lead me on one hell of a road to get to him. I kissed allot of bullfrogs searching for him too. I was seriously a douche bag magnet!

I am still shocked my husband was able to look past the bullshit. The perks of marrying your best friend. He witnessed so much of my mistakes, but he never said a word in judgement. He was always my sane person to go to when in need. All my ex's told me that my husband was in love with me when we were just best friends. I always replied with "no he does not!" because I honestly never thought he would think of me in that way. I broke a few hearts for a few more months. It was old, and I needed a change. With a nudge from one of my younger brothers, I allowed myself to take a third persons perspective of our friendship. I started realizing the person that I had been searching and praying for had been with me the whole time. He was quietly letting me figure out who I was while I was going through a tough time in my life. When I allowed myself to fall in love with Dan, I fell completely into him and our love. It was like my life changed all at once. I let my guard down, and I let love into my heart in the purest form. I had never knew what true love felt like until I met Dan. He saved me with his love. I cannot imagine what would have happened to me if I had continued on the road I was on when Dan and I first met. I am pretty positive I would be dead by now without Dan. His love is my serenity. I am still trying to understand how this man can love someone like me. I tend to stay jaded because of different cards I have been dealt. He reminds me we can get through it together. He loves me when quite frankly I am unlovable. Being married to a woman who lives with bipolarism is not for the weak. Thank you God for sending me this angel. He loves me scales, scabs, and full of rage yet he still loves me. I never want to know life without him. I know so many people say it is bad to love someone to the point that you cannot function without them. I do not give a shit what people say or believe. Call me weak. I am nothing without him, and I am completely content with admitting it.

May you all love passionately and without regret at least once in your life <3

xoxo
D.

Amy Winehouse Ft. Nas - Like Smoke Lyrics + Download [Full Song]

dj irene - hard house mix ( hard house )