Life

Ten years ago....Friday meant party. I miss those nights where you don't have a clue what you are going to do later, but you know you're going to have serious fun. When pre-gaming to catch a buzz was required, we are not paying that much to get drunk when we can do it at home first. (LOL) I miss spontaneous road trips to random places, and hanging out with friends until the sun came up! 

I don't miss random douche bags and hangovers! I do not miss surviving crazy shit I have no idea how I survived because of living by the "we go hard or go home" motto! I don't miss feeling as if i had no real purpose. I don't miss all the insecurities of being young and unsure.
I lived like there was no tomorrow, and I am glad that I experienced everything that I did when I was young and reckless. All the bad ass moments and even the sucked ass moments. I learned how strong I am and how weak I can allow myself to be. I grew emotionally and spiritually, and I met my saving grace.

Live your lives! Take advantage of your young and reckless years because they will be gone way too soon. Look inward for the answers you are searching for in life. Never be scared to question everything!! All our paths are mapped out before us. It is up to us to find the way. Growing up is fucking scary! This is why we cannot be scared to evolve as humans. It is our fate. I am grateful for finding the person God and Goddess has chosen for me to live out the rest of my life with. I cherish that I was blessed with two beautiful and healthy children. There are still times I miss my 20s, but I am excited about living my life with more confidence as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, and sister. My confidence strengthens each day, and life is much easier when you know without doubt who you are and want to be.

For My Love

When I cannot love myself,
You love me…
Remind me that my love is your air
Masculine…unafraid to show your raw emotion
Your energy consumes me as you pull me into your arms
I close my eyes…
Silently thanking God
For blessing such an undeserving soul…with this love
I endeavor to deserve you…
My living angel
Always saving me from my own self destruction
I never knew my true potential
Until you helped me see…
With your love…I can live out all of my dreams
When I lose focus, you remind me…
Of my transparency
I am bare… asking for forgiveness
As you reassure me our love is constant and all enduring
And in moments of absolute chaos…
You are my only sanity
Your eyes… hold the best moments in my life
Our love unites us as one
Designed never to be broken apart

xoxo
Drea

I don't know you anymore.....

I love without restraint and passionately. I am very loyal to the point that it can be detrimental to myself. Jaded from past experiences, I am fighting to let go of the disappointment I feel deep inside. I believe we are placed in different scenarios throughout our lives to prepare us for something greater. My strength is being tested. I was there without any questions offering my support when no one else wanted to help. Now I am stuck with this feeling of dread, and I am disheartened by the outcome. I never thought there would be anything to change my perception of you yet the thought of you makes me shake my head in disbelief. There is no looking back now. I am tormented by your clouded judgement and complete lack of self esteem. There is no recognition. The bitch I knew would shake her head in disgust at the decisions you have made. You are a shell of who you once were. How does it feel to willingly laydown in the gutter because it is where he wants you to be? Will you keep a guard up to protect yourself from being a punching bag? I see you standing alone. Unwilling to lift an arm up to block fists out of fear you lie there taking it because you handed over all of your power to a fiend who is forever the victim. At what point did your self respect flee? I am pained by my inability to help you understand you deserve so much better in life, but you do not believe my words because dysfunction is all you know. If you stay in the dark, there is little chance of you ever finding the light. When will you learn, love does not hurt. Love that is pure and unconditional is better than any drug we have tried. The thought that you may never experience this type of love in your life breaks my heart into a million pieces. I wish I could make you see in yourself all of the beauty I have always seen inside of you. Pain can be addictive. Since I have known you, I have watched the self inflicted torture you put yourself through. I pray for the best but prepare for the worst. As long as you ignore your intution, you will never get yourself on the right path again. Our friendship has began to crumble since you decided in a moment of crisis to hand your heart and self respect over to someone who will never be capable to give you the love and life you deserve. Instead you keep the fucked up cycle of chaos around you. I have no room in my life for those who bring me into their bullshit. I always thought we would ride or die together. Now, I feel the need to walk away and not look back. I have to leave you in the shitty mess you did not create but accepted because I can honestly say I cannot and will not allow my family to be around yours. Call me what you want to and judge me as you wish. You are no longer the type of person I want my children around. I am too old for this bullshit. I will always love you. I just cannot be associated with the new you and him.