Loving Life

I cannot believe it is already November! This year has really passed by quickly. I look forward to spending more time with my family over the holidays. The most challenging part of this time of year for me is going to be the food. I have lost almost 40lbs over the last few months. I have had my setbacks or as I like to call them "fat girl moments", and gaining a little bit of the weight back snapped me back into shape. I want to keep losing weight and keep the 40lbs I already lost off. It is just going to be complicated, and I am going to have to remain strong. I have lost another size in clothing. The clothes I just got back into are starting to fit me too big, and I am gaining confidence. With help from family and friends I am psotive I will continue to be successful although it will not be easy! Halloween candy has proven the point that I need more self control. Damn chocolate!

My husband and I celebrated 9 years of marriage this past Wednesday. We took the kids out for a nice dinner that night to celebrate. I got my customary red roses from my husband. We are also about to drop the kids off with my parents because we are going out to the country today for the night. We need grown up time. I found a cabin about 45 minutes away. It is just the right size for two people. It is tucked in the middle of a bunch of trees so complete solitude is going to be amazing. We have a hot tub on the porch to enjoy, and we are taking a sexy weekend snack basket I put together. We should not have to leave the place once we get there. I hope all goes well. I have not been this excited to get out of town alone in a long time. This time of year stays hectic for our family. Taking this slight break for just the two of us is exactly what we need to relax a bit before more holiday ridiculousness takes over our lives again. I will of course document the cabin with pictures. I will upload as soon as I get a chance. I am trying to keep any social networking or blogging until Tomorrow night. This is huge because I am ALWAYS texting or updating my Twitter and Facebook. I believe I need a rehab for social networking addictions. I will be fine! My husband stays so busy this time of year, I am excited I get all his attention for myself for once.

It is hard to believe we have been married for 9 years already. It still feels new. We are still learning things about each other. Accepting things we cannot change about each other is hard, but it is worth the compromise. We both do things that annoy each other, but we know without doubt we are strong enough together to overcome anything in life. He is my strength and my calm. When we got married, I was terrified. I remember turning to begin my walk down the isle to him, and all at once my knees began to shake like nothing I had ever experienced before. I told my dad, "I can't breathe". There were so many people standing and looking directly at me. My anxiety went from zero to 100 in 5 seconds. I was scared I would not make it up the isle because my knees were knocking so hard. My daddy was helping me walk, and a friend I passed told me to smile. I just looked forward until I could see Dan. The isle was so long, and I remember thinking "why did I want the dramatic long isle?" As soon as I saw my Dan and his beautiful blue eyes, my body felt peace. I smiled from ear to ear showing all my teeth like Donkey from Shrek. My knees stopped knocking, and I could not wait to take his hand. I was so scared he would not think I was beautiful. The crazy insecirities of a hormonal bride indeed! The ceremony itself was just like we wanted it which was short and sweet preacher man! We were at that alter because our parents wanted a church wedding. Our vowal renewal will be outside where God and Universe intended. All I cared about on that day was being with my new husband. It was a beautiful day. Of course we had mistakes throughout the day like no flowers for the bridesmaids, a late dj, and my brother introducing themselves to my new conservative inlaws by teaching them how to do a "Keg Stand" correctly. They also showed them how to drop it low with our Southern rap keeping it straight up gangsta! I danced with my brothers which is always fun. I also danced with my husband, and it was the only time we ever danced because he is not a dancer. Etta James's "At Last" was our song. Bringing two opposite types of families together was beautiful. Thank God his family embraced mine and me because I am that tattooed hippie chick my husband's parents always warned him about, and he loves me...flaws, claws, and all. He loves my eccentricity, and I love his wholesomeness. I have no doubt God created this man for me and lead me on one hell of a road to get to him. I kissed allot of bullfrogs searching for him too. I was seriously a douche bag magnet!

I am still shocked my husband was able to look past the bullshit. The perks of marrying your best friend. He witnessed so much of my mistakes, but he never said a word in judgement. He was always my sane person to go to when in need. All my ex's told me that my husband was in love with me when we were just best friends. I always replied with "no he does not!" because I honestly never thought he would think of me in that way. I broke a few hearts for a few more months. It was old, and I needed a change. With a nudge from one of my younger brothers, I allowed myself to take a third persons perspective of our friendship. I started realizing the person that I had been searching and praying for had been with me the whole time. He was quietly letting me figure out who I was while I was going through a tough time in my life. When I allowed myself to fall in love with Dan, I fell completely into him and our love. It was like my life changed all at once. I let my guard down, and I let love into my heart in the purest form. I had never knew what true love felt like until I met Dan. He saved me with his love. I cannot imagine what would have happened to me if I had continued on the road I was on when Dan and I first met. I am pretty positive I would be dead by now without Dan. His love is my serenity. I am still trying to understand how this man can love someone like me. I tend to stay jaded because of different cards I have been dealt. He reminds me we can get through it together. He loves me when quite frankly I am unlovable. Being married to a woman who lives with bipolarism is not for the weak. Thank you God for sending me this angel. He loves me scales, scabs, and full of rage yet he still loves me. I never want to know life without him. I know so many people say it is bad to love someone to the point that you cannot function without them. I do not give a shit what people say or believe. Call me weak. I am nothing without him, and I am completely content with admitting it.

May you all love passionately and without regret at least once in your life <3

xoxo
D.