Enlightened

June 25, 2011

I mentioned in a prior post that my exboyfriend from over ten years ago randomly emailed me on Facebook. I must do a quick update for my #dramalvrs. When he persisted to email me, I decided blocking him would be best. He never really could take a hint. I went to block him, and I quickly discovered that he did it for me. Call me evil. Judge you as you will undoubtedly do because I might if I were you! (lol).

After some deep thoughts, and a great deal of meditation/prayers I let go of the anger I feel when I think of him popping up in my life. It bothered me more than I let on, but I have moved passed it. I thought for sure one of our mutual friends had recently heard from him too. My fears became reality when I was crowned the only one. I began to close my eyes and sit in silence. The only reason someone shady from your past suddenly appears out of nowhere is good old fashion ignorance mixed with a nice helping of delusion & Catholic guilt!

For years I have wondered what kind of reaction I would have if he randomly appeared in my life again. I knew that we could never be friends, and I am completely fine with it too. Actually knowing that the paragraph I sent in response to his random email and a little help from my personal guardian angel was enough to make him block me was my own private victory.

Maybe he saw my picture as I popped up on friends suggestion right hand side of his screen, or he saw me on our mutual friends walls. There I am. The girl he left while she was sleeping. Instead of speaking to me face to face. You thought "Hey! Wow there's Drea!", and said what I wanted to hear in a random email, "I apologize for what I did to you."

Although he was very far from being truly apologetic. He is just tired of carrying around the guilt he feels when he thinks of me. I am still that smart yet absolutely insane girl he knew a long time ago. Except now I am smarter, and I am a hell of allot stronger. I have had a very blessed life since I walked away from him. My blessings are endless. I stood tall with scars from a sick relationship, sobered up, and realized the man who loved me was in front of me the entire time. I would have never met my husband without meeting my ex-boyfriend.

Funny how life works. Throughout the drama and the pain of being in a sick and twisted relationship I met my husband, my best friends, and my true strength. All the hurt, pain, and tears were not in vain. God listens, and he answers in many ways. The goddess blessed me and showed me my inner strength. My ex will always be a BUM in my eyes. My husband is the culmination of all my prayers answered, and my children bring new light.